i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
