I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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