Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm both gender and math confused
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
