Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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