We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
