i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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