I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
