There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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