I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize