Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
