he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
