Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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