I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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