theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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