Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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