Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
