So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We are two peas in an std pod
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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