i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Send help, water and tortillas.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
