I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
