If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
