Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
