Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
