At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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