I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
