At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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