how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
