Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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