Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
