His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
