I wanna bring you to show and tell
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
