Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
