are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
