Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
