don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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