Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
