Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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