mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
