If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
