I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
