i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
