Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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