Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
