I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
