I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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