Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
