I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
