Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
