just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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