I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
