I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
