I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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