pop tarts are not kleenex
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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